oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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