oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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