he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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