He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I just found puke in my bra..
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
