I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
