You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
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