so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
