remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
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