whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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