I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
