Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
