Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
i will never coherently bang her
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
