Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
