he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
