Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
