Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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