My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
