One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
