Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
