i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
