Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
