oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
