Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
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