He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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