He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
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