chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
