I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
