if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
