i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
