Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
