the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
