Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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