my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
