did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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