Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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