come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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