I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
