Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Randomize
