well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
