i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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