At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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