There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
