i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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