if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
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