the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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