Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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