I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
