im six kinds of drunk right now
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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