My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
