dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
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Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
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I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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