I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
