hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
