My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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