Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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