i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
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