I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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