My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize