its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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