Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
