I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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