Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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