i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
