god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
