oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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