belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
