I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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