Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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