They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
