he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
