Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
