So drunk its hurt
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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