Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
