she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
