Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
