LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
