I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
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