I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
