i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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