I have demons in me.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
