I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
