apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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